The Dilemma of a Young Single Woman
Every young single woman has her own story to tell about the dilemma she faces in life. I, for one, know that for many of us it spans from the time of our consciousness, being and becoming a woman.
I began encountering older men right from my secondary school days. One of the first was our WAEC/NECO examiner. I can't remember his name anymore cause the 'relationship' didn't go as expected. He took a liking to me, and since I had a certain way of reasoning at that age, we became friends. It felt good having a mature adult as a friend. I found a way of communicating with him as I didn't have a phone at that time. We talked about a lot of things you know. He wasn't staying around, so he would come into town to visit. I didn't want him to come to my house because my elder brother was fond of asking 'silly' questions whenever my male friends visited, as though it was a taboo for a girl to have a male friend. I tried to avoid any funny scenarios, even though I knew he was trying to protect me from 'predators and paedophiles'.
So he came into town, and the only place he could see me at was a motel. I was so uncomfortable with this choice for two basic reasons. First off, I was dating someone at the time. The second is the usual thought a naïve and innocent girl would have about such a place. It was the first time I was going to see a male friend in a place known for many atrocities, and yes, I knew all that and more at that time of my life. Surprisingly, he was responsible and a perfect gentleman. He had intentions of course, but I didn't want anything to do with those intentions or him, other than being a friend. I also knew he was old enough to be married. Come to think of it, I couldn't figure out what was going on, if something was wrong with me, but I think my Dad's demise did leave a vacuum that I felt needed to be filled at the time. So I told him I was in a committed relationship and couldn't dream of two-timing. He ordered drinks and something for us to eat. We talked and he walked me out of the motel to the road where I took a cab. Of course I tried to read the expression on people's faces as we walked out, but I couldn't care less.
Another vivid memory I have is of someone I met recently - another father-figure, or so I thought. Intelligent, understanding, caring, friendly and all. He took a liking to me as well, and I to him. What I wanted most was not what he helped me get, but what I didn't want was what he wanted me to give. I needed advice on particular things which he gave. I heeded partially to them but it couldn't keep up because I just didn't want to feel obliged to him, even as he offered to take care of some outstanding commitments of mine. I couldn't give much, so I ran away like I always do. Nothing untoward happened between us and I'm glad I can live with a clear conscience. I mean, I kept telling him that I wouldn't want another young girl to do to my family what he wanted me to do to his. So I ran.
I met yet another married man, old enough to be an 'Uncle', accomplished in his field and all. I was in the same field and had plans of relocating then, so he asked me if we could meet in Benin and how soon I was relocating. It sounded juicy and I felt like keeping the friendship alive because his beat was at the seat of power. My hopes of relocating were dashed, so somehow, the friendship was crashed because I knew what was coming.
On my way to work the other day, another one gave me a lift. He was dressed in a tunic and I knew at once that he wasn't from around here. He didn't sound like he was either. He reminded me of one mallam that wanted me as his second wife when I was serving in Kaduna. We got talking and he finally told me before I alighted that he's based in Abuja, and gave me his card to call him. The question now is, do I call him or not?
These are just the few I am at liberty to speak of, until I am truly ready to break the silence (I hope that time never comes because people would get hurt). But one thing I want to say is, not every young single woman wants to rub the head and stomach of an adult man she meets. Not every single woman wants a man to foot all her bills, no. Not every single woman wants to get laid, just for the fun of it, even though she may appear sex-starved which may actually be a case of celibacy. She may just want some mentor, someone to help her through the huddles of life, someone strong and firm around her, et al.
The time to break all stereotypes and definitions is now! Happy International Women's Day to all the single women out there.
I began encountering older men right from my secondary school days. One of the first was our WAEC/NECO examiner. I can't remember his name anymore cause the 'relationship' didn't go as expected. He took a liking to me, and since I had a certain way of reasoning at that age, we became friends. It felt good having a mature adult as a friend. I found a way of communicating with him as I didn't have a phone at that time. We talked about a lot of things you know. He wasn't staying around, so he would come into town to visit. I didn't want him to come to my house because my elder brother was fond of asking 'silly' questions whenever my male friends visited, as though it was a taboo for a girl to have a male friend. I tried to avoid any funny scenarios, even though I knew he was trying to protect me from 'predators and paedophiles'.
So he came into town, and the only place he could see me at was a motel. I was so uncomfortable with this choice for two basic reasons. First off, I was dating someone at the time. The second is the usual thought a naïve and innocent girl would have about such a place. It was the first time I was going to see a male friend in a place known for many atrocities, and yes, I knew all that and more at that time of my life. Surprisingly, he was responsible and a perfect gentleman. He had intentions of course, but I didn't want anything to do with those intentions or him, other than being a friend. I also knew he was old enough to be married. Come to think of it, I couldn't figure out what was going on, if something was wrong with me, but I think my Dad's demise did leave a vacuum that I felt needed to be filled at the time. So I told him I was in a committed relationship and couldn't dream of two-timing. He ordered drinks and something for us to eat. We talked and he walked me out of the motel to the road where I took a cab. Of course I tried to read the expression on people's faces as we walked out, but I couldn't care less.
Another vivid memory I have is of someone I met recently - another father-figure, or so I thought. Intelligent, understanding, caring, friendly and all. He took a liking to me as well, and I to him. What I wanted most was not what he helped me get, but what I didn't want was what he wanted me to give. I needed advice on particular things which he gave. I heeded partially to them but it couldn't keep up because I just didn't want to feel obliged to him, even as he offered to take care of some outstanding commitments of mine. I couldn't give much, so I ran away like I always do. Nothing untoward happened between us and I'm glad I can live with a clear conscience. I mean, I kept telling him that I wouldn't want another young girl to do to my family what he wanted me to do to his. So I ran.
I met yet another married man, old enough to be an 'Uncle', accomplished in his field and all. I was in the same field and had plans of relocating then, so he asked me if we could meet in Benin and how soon I was relocating. It sounded juicy and I felt like keeping the friendship alive because his beat was at the seat of power. My hopes of relocating were dashed, so somehow, the friendship was crashed because I knew what was coming.
On my way to work the other day, another one gave me a lift. He was dressed in a tunic and I knew at once that he wasn't from around here. He didn't sound like he was either. He reminded me of one mallam that wanted me as his second wife when I was serving in Kaduna. We got talking and he finally told me before I alighted that he's based in Abuja, and gave me his card to call him. The question now is, do I call him or not?
These are just the few I am at liberty to speak of, until I am truly ready to break the silence (I hope that time never comes because people would get hurt). But one thing I want to say is, not every young single woman wants to rub the head and stomach of an adult man she meets. Not every single woman wants a man to foot all her bills, no. Not every single woman wants to get laid, just for the fun of it, even though she may appear sex-starved which may actually be a case of celibacy. She may just want some mentor, someone to help her through the huddles of life, someone strong and firm around her, et al.
The time to break all stereotypes and definitions is now! Happy International Women's Day to all the single women out there.
Lovely
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nne. 🙂
ReplyDelete